The Cynics Corner

The X-Files

"Two Fathers"

by David E. Sluss

9 February 1999

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: A mess, with enough characters to fill up a chessboard, often acting as though that's exactly where they were.


WORLD RECORD OF THE WEEK: Here's something for Fox's gross-out Guinness Records show, perhaps: "Previously" scenes covering five years worth of episodes ought to count for something. On the other hand, all they do is remind everyone of five years of Carter's ad hoc plotting that this "Full Disclosure" story has to fit...

X-FILES CLICHE OF THE WEEK: How many "keys to everything in the X-Files" have been discovered over the years? Now, apparently, it's the Cigarette-Smoking Woman. So what was Chessboy? The key to everything in Mulder's medicine chest?

LAX SECURITY OF THE WEEK: Are we really supposed to believe that FBI workstations are not even password-protected? That Mulder could just sit down at Spender's computer and start using it? Even if Spender was setting Mulder and Scully up to be caught, they still got crucial information.

CONTRIVANCE OF THE WEEK: Gee, Scully sure dug up a lot of stuff on the Cigarette-Smoking Man when she put her mind to it. Too bad she didn't think about it five years ago.

CONTRIVANCE OF THE WEEK RUNNER-UP: How is it that Dr. Openshaw managed to avoid being turned into charcoal, unlike everyone else touched by the Faceless Rebels' blowtorch? Someone had to tell the Cigarette-Smoking Man that the Cigarette-Smoking Woman was the Key to Everything, and give CSM the opportunity to show what a ruthless fellow he really is, I guess.

PANCAKERS OF THE WEEK: So what's this about the false faces worn by the Faceless Rebels being cheesy make-up that can be torn off? Sure, it looks more disturbing, maybe (though doing it twice in the same house might have been dramatic overkill), but I thought it was established that these bozos disguise by morphing. I guess they can't afford morphing F/X because of the extra money Duchovny got to phone it in for a couple more years.

GEOGRAPHY DUNCE OF THE WEEK: Krycek refers to rebel attacks at "our facilities in New Mexico and the southwest." Hello? New Mexico is in the southwest.

MONOLOGUE OF THE WEEK: No, not the obvious one, namely, CSM's framing speech to Mimi Rogers. Instead, I'm going with Krycek as Mr. Exposition, as he lectures the Group about their history, which makes me wonder two things: Where in the hell did that dialogue, which was just about the worst in an episode teeming with corny dialogue ("Resistance was futile then"? Please...), come from? And why would the Group listen to Krycek in the first place, when he wasn't even around when most of the events he spoke of took place, and is little more than a buttonman for the Group?

SHILL OF THE WEEK: Also Krycek, as he gets to plug The X-Files movie, recently released on video, by suggesting that the group "Fight the Future." Fight the nausea is more like it...

NEXT WEEK: Carter gives up the goods on absolutely everything about the conspiracy. She'ya, right!




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This review is copyright 1999 David E. Sluss
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